The scene sucks. I thought of starting this blog after being inspired by the two current “underground metal” blogs – Stampedes Inc. (What kind of name is that anyway? z0mg stampedes wooohhh I’m fucking scared bro. Like, srsly) and The Iron Markhor (RRRUUUUNNNN TTTOOOOOO THEEE HILLLSS… oh wait, it’s the MARKHOR not MAIDEN… lulzzz). Now, for this first post on this soon-to-be legendary online resource on tr00 pakimetal, I will ridicule these two websites

———————-

The Iron Markhor

What happens when two psuedo-nihilistic and self-obsessed teenagers with broadband decide to profess their love for Pakistani Metal? Well, they go to the shitfest that is Metal Seinen first, of course! Because they want to appear tr00 and show that their daddies don’t actually have deep pockets (which they actually do, but of course gimmick to rakhna hai hum nay!) they pleed to the MS dudes to give them their blog and Zeeshan Shah agrees. They christen their blog after the national animal of Pakistan. Awesome, right?

Right?

HEEEEELLLLL NOOOOOO. I’ve known both Asadullah and Hassan for a long time. I’ve known both of them from back when Orkut was still cool and both only knew about the famous bands of metal (Metallica, Bodom, Killswitch waghairah.) I’ve seen the two of them evolve their tastes and become these depressed, nihilistic poseurs with a false hate for everything and a supposed undying love for metal. Give me a break.

If things couldn’t get any worse, just go and read their articles. The two of them, Asad in particular, talks like he knows everything about metal, noise, punk and every related subgenre. Bachay nay bas wikipedia say parha ho ga and then probably decided to download every metal torrent in existence. I’ve met him one or two times (and he probably knows who I am also, laikin he most likely has his head too far up his ass to remember mein kaun hun) and he was the perfect example of a kid addicted to the internet with no grasp on reality. Read this article and you can just feel the envy oozing from it. Asad, yaar, don’t be depressed. Go out, socialise and shit. You’ll find friends. I promise.

Hassan isn’t any worse, really. But he’s more watered down. It’s like, he tries hard to reach the levels Asad sets but just falls off the mark. Maybe that’s why he left the Iron Markhor? Hahaha. Or maybe his ‘metal phase’ ended. Who knows. Or more importantly – who gives a flying fuck? I don’t. You shouldn’t.

———————-

Stampedes Inc.

What happens when a guy with loads of cash – who doesn’t even listen to metal – decides to ally himself with the *cough* metal luminaries *cough* of Pakistan (chutyas like Lee Erik, Aman Durrani, Kamran Farooque, Aneeq Zaman and those other egotards) and create a website which has NO original content at all? I’m giving you 3 seconds to answer that.

3…

2…

1…

If you haven’t already guessed, you get Stampedes Inc. Of course, that’s what I’d expect from a Stampedes reader. Low IQ websites attract low IQ people, right? Anyway, do NOT support this website. The Markhor is horrible, that is a fact. But Stampedes is on the same level of chutyapa as The Iron Markhor. 99% of the articles are carelessly copy/pasted from other sources (metal-archives reviews, other metal zines, facebook, etc) and it’s so really so fucking funny. I literally roll on the floor laughing every time I go through the website. There is no honesty, no credibility, NO NOTHING. Like The Markhor, but in a totally different way. Kamran Ata and everyone allied with him are big fucking posers who don’t know anything about metal. At least Kamran doesn’t go around acting like he’s the biggest metalhead in the world (unlike a certain “MegaChutya” and “IndusPussy”) and so he has my respect for that.

———————-

Verdict:

I think of Pakistan as a big, shit filled underwear. Or boxer, whichever you prefer. Anyway, I think of this country as a big shit-filled undergarment and by far the darkest, most crusty, most smelly and most disgusting stain on it is the Pakistani Metal scene. And the smell has gotten worse over this year – not least due to these two blog/zines/whatever.